Rating and Warnings-- G; no warnings.
Species and Characters-- Species = Korat. Char = random white.
Summary and Notes-- Wrote this at work in an attempt to ignore "language" and write via [brackets], yet still have a coherent "story". This is a very, very short ficlet, thus it is uncut. Comments would be appreciated, regarding the style.
Korat. White. Long legs, strong body--ivory fur, green eyes, white claws, white blade.
Going north--life-smell. Beginning shrugs, grass--it's blue. Clouds hide sun and glow like the moons--beautiful, rosy. Patches of sky are thick and clear like a slice of amethyst. Ground is cold, thawing, and dark.
Paws on earth, rough pads, hard soil. Claws dig in--roots for the tree of the beast. Long pelt ripples in run-wind like still lake surface before a storm.
Pause, glance. Sensations--warmth, curiosity, stable ground, fearlessness. Beauty in the living ivory sculpture.
Running again, airborne smells and shifting shadows speaking with silent voices across new lands. No hesitation, no caution--they are hidden. Running strong, hard--so beautiful, so proud.
Twin emeralds--living eyes--search the clouded sky. Peace.
Invigoration, with the next breath. Primal love for life and self wells up in silky breast--
The Korat runs.
- I feel so:
pleased - I hear:Cry for Freedom--White Lion
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sun_huntress- Kusani
Comments
I like that you're not using so many metaphors and similes in this one; it makes the ones that you do use a lot stronger. The smells and shadows aren't like voices; they bloody well are voices, darnit. It emphasizes that you're trying to convey the Language with this piece, and it's nice.
Really, that's what it is--the Language is what is, and that's all that you describe: what is. Brackets take ye closer, but this feels . . . purer? More streamlined? than brackets.
I like it. It's a deeply interesting piece; not quite brackety, but quite good and evocative.
Okay. Calm. Riiight.
I'm so glad this transferred the way I'd hoped it would. The Language--precisely. Language without words--I tried to write in colors and sensations without the space between bracket-packages interfering. And apparently it worked, at least to some degree.
YAY. XD;;