This journal is now retired! The new one is at kusani.

reality is no longer.

what was once
a bold strong firm line
drawn to carve the world from a morass of
chaos
is now returned
to a mass, a mesh, a convoluted mixture
of color
and light
and sound.

what is left living in this mess
are centers of gravity
that toss out tendrils of unseen force
and bind the colors
and the lights
and the sounds
to that well of strength in their depths
until each pit is a star
burning bright.

and, somehow,
the stars don't see themselves as stars,
but only as people,
carved with a black line
into shapes and chains and orderly ways.
and they see other stars
in just the same un-light.

in front of their eyes,
the universe is burning
alight with fire and life
and what they see
is nothing like what is.




the kûsani is breaking

i can hear the ethereal guitar strings snapping
wire-like
twisting around and mangling the beat
of the drum of the earth

thump
thump
thump...

this is a plea
to my fellow men and women:

let yourselves live.
don't shackle yourselves
into merely existing.

let yourselves speak.
don't bite down until
silence is all you know.

let yourselves breathe.
don't walk hunched and tucked in;
instead, expand and inhale.

let yourselves move.
don't be contained by this
plastic and regulated world.

let yourselves love.
don't shun the most powerful emotion
that you can ever feel.

let yourselves laugh.
don't resist the urge
to express joy and mirth.

i'll beg you again:
live, speak, breathe,
move, love, laugh.

please.

this is a prayer
for the declination
of the world
in me

may i breathe deep
of this cold wind
that rips through the vale
steals the warmth from my flesh
and powers me
towards
the depths

may i walk calm
with head held high
shoulders squared, back straight
towards that which awaits me
and not cry
for that which
i leave
behind

may i speak quietly
when my voice wants to fail
and when my heart is screaming
for release, escape, reprieve
so that my words
cannot be used
against me

may i go
when i go
with such grace as i can muster
and face my descent
with pride
and strength
and no fear

what is left behind
are ashes
and dead leaves
of a life i no longer live

but when i rise again
there will be new fires
and new saplings
extending upwards
from the world
in me

i run with wolves and i
sleep with lions;
i fly with birds and i
swim with dolphins;
i am one with the
snakes in the grass;
i am no human, but as such
you label me--

and then you cannot understand
why you don't know me,
and you cannot know
why you don't understand me.

look harder.
past the skin.

I've realized how few of my poems I've posted here, and though many nearly all are a few years old, I still value quite a few of them. Gonna make a point to start putting them up here.

( Hand )

Fire in the belly
And none in the head
Just kinda tired, really
Refusing to lie dead

No masks, no lies
No fucking regrets
That's the price, my price,
That I pay toward my debts

I owe them all, and Them as well,
For who I am today
They made me, put me through hell
I thank them for my path, my way

I won't give up, I won't give in,
I won't be trampled, I won't be tamed
My sword is sharp, my claws can rend
I fight for me, in Their names

This is me, this is who I am
I'm not hiding any more
And if you care to look, I'd bet
You can see through this open door

I've missed you.

I missed the way your eyes
Would light with Fire when laughter was misplaced,
And I missed the cant of your face
As you glanced at me over your shoulder.

I missed the protection you gave me,
The feeling of companionship unquestioned.
I missed your endless curiosity
And trying to explain to you what I knew and how I knew it.

I missed knowing that you could hear me
If I spoke aloud, if I called your name.
I missed sleeping with you draped over me
Like a warm, living, surreal blanket.

I've missed you.

It's good that you're home again.

...which can be uncut because I feel like it being uncut. *G*

What's Inside

There's always a point that you reach
(Isn't there?
Isn't there?)
Where all you can do
Is try to write it out
But, inevitably,
We
All
Fail
To express ourselves
To express
What's inside our hearts
Our minds
(dare I say it?)
Our souls

Because what's inside
Doesn't use a human mouth to speak
It doesn't enunciate and make pretty
What it wants to say
For the sake of writing it down
And immortalizing the occasion
Where you thought
Thought
That you might have a piece of the puzzle
To the game we call life
But it slips
From
Your
Fingers
The moment you try to psychoanalyze its shape

What's inside
Thrives and writhes and bleeds and laughs
Without ever saying a word
And if you try to write it down
All you get
Is
An
Echo
Of what really is
And what feels so strong
And what inspires you
To try to immortalize that feeling
By putting it into words

But you can't tie it down
You can't cage the tiger
You can't chain the butterfly
You can't capture the lotus bloom
You
Can't
Say
How you feel when that spark alights
All you can do is
Live
And know that, everywhere,
Others know exactly how you feel
Without ever reading your words